Quick Cinnamon Rolls, potentially a coffee cake.

I made these cinnamon rolls, kluged together from a couple of recipes.

• 3 c flour

• 1/4 tsp. salt

• 4 tsp baking powder

• 1/2 c sugar

• 2 eggs

• 2/3 c milk

• 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

• 1/2 c butter or shortening–melted but not hot (I used coconut oil)

filling

• 1/4 c melted butter

• 3 tsp cinnamon

• 1/2 c sugar

topping

• 1/4 c brown sugar

• 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

• 1/2 c melted butter

• optional 1/2 c nuts, citrus zest, chocolate chips, or dried fruit

frosting

• 1/2 stick butter

• 1/2 package of cream cheese (I used neufchatel)

• 1/2 c powdered sugar - add more to get correct texture and depending on humidity

In a small bowl, lightly beat eggs until mixed, add milk, extract, and butter. In a separate bowl, sift together flour, salt, baking powder, and sugar. Make a well in the center and pour in wet ingredients. Once the dough comes together, turn it onto a floured board and knead for 1 minute. If it's sticky, sprinkle with flour. Roll dough into a 9" x 13" rectangle (give or take).

Mix together filling ingredients, and spread onto the dough leaving 1/2" from the edges. Roll into a long log and cut with a sharp knife into ~18 individual rolls. line up in buttered 9" x 13" pan, leaving some space for expansion. Pour topping over entire pan evenly. Bake in a preheated 350° oven for 25-30 minutes or until golden.

Allow to cool 5-10 minutes. Whip together frosting ingredients, then spread frosting evenly over the top of the whole pan. Cover pan to slightly melt frosting, or serve sooner. Alternatively, they can be turned out, frosted, and served upside down.

Alternatively, because this wasn't really a good pull-apart rolls recipe, I think this would be delicious as a coffee cake if it were doubled and layered into a greased bundt pan with a streusel made from 1 stick butter, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 cup flour, and a couple of tsp of cinnamon cut together with a fork or pastry cutter. I'm sure it would need to cook a little longer, if you're a strict recipe follower I'd say start with 30 minutes and then cook until it returns a dry toothpick or cake pick.

It fulfilled the need for cinnamon roll without the, like, six hour process... and they were almost gone after brunch. Woo.

Potato Nommage

Potato salad? Yes, please. It's the 4th of July.

So the trick to great potato salad is there is no trick. I made a fab bleu cheese potato salad last night for a BBQ night. I used my bleu cheese dressing recipe, posted earlier, and skipped the sour cream and buttermilk. Instead, I added roughly a tablespoon of dijon mustard and some dill and a handful more bleu cheese crumbles.

To this I added about three pounds of yukon gold potatoes that had been chunky diced and boiled in water that is salty like sea water; it's how I cook basically any starch. Cooking time varies depending on your stove, how small your chunks are, and how many potatoes you use. When they're fork-tender, drain them in a colander but don't rinse, let them cool for a few minutes. At this point I poured a tablespoon of regular milk into a mixing bowl big enough to toss in, and then put half the potatoes in. To this I added the dressing which had been marinating for a few hours. Adding it hot melted the cheese and melded the flavors together. The milk on the bottom helps keep the potatoes from sticking to the bowl. Once half the potatoes are coated, add the rest of the potatoes and mix around. If the dressing is too tight, add a little milk. Once the consistency is right and all the potatoes are coated, taste it and see if you need salt or pepper. Let it cool down for maybe 20 minutes or so before refrigerating, you could serve it hot or cold, I like it both ways. I added a little too much salt last night, so I wound up adding the juice of a small lemon to brighten it back up.

So tasty, y'all.

The Big C (M)

I know it's a weird trite thing to say, but I really never thought I'd get married until after I got my shit all together. I've learned from reddit and google that this is a very common unfounded belief for women in my peer group.

Next month I'll turn 30, and I'm the luckiest person in the world. I got to marry my best friend, greatest lover, and most inspiring coconspirator. His family loves and accepts me. My brother is happy. I've found the best job that utilizes and suits all of my talents, skill, and abilities, and doesn't feel like work.

I didn't have the support network before to focus on fixing the things that I've been unable to address, namely, my health. First thing I learned is that my doc says I need to get under 200lbs before she'd encourage me to have kids, which is less than I anticipated and much more attainable within a year.

The second thing I needed to do was to get my moles checked. I had a mole biopsy taken, 2-3 stitches to be removed after ten days, and the results were supposed to take up to seven days. It only took them two days to have the result from the lab. Sure enough, it turns out I have melanoma. It's stage one (T1B), and it doesn't appear to have spread, but it was ulcerated, which is not as positive as it could be. It only went .86mm below the surface of my skin, which is positive (greater than 1mm is another classification). In a week or so, I'll be having an excision of the skin around it, along with sentinel (closest) lymph to biopsy to confirm the not-spread nature. Even if it has spread to the lymph, a shallow mole that's spread to lymph is easier to treat than a deeper one would be. My options if it has spread to the lymph remain a mystery to me. Because I value my sanity, avoiding internet diagnoses like the plague (hurr) seems to be the best option, but I was assured by the dermatologist that there are plenty of options we could explore if that happens.

When I heard the news, I was babysitting my friend's four year old twins (they were our ring bearers), and we were just finishing lunch at Burger King. I immediately started crying, the boys crawled under the table to come and hug me and hand me napkins, and I hugged them back and sent them to the play place so I could finish the conversation and gather the remaining information from my doctor. After getting off the phone, I threw out the trash, gathered my things, refilled my drink, and popped out the door to the tables in the play place to better observe the boys. Tears have never been something I've been able to fight, and this news ensured my eyes would remain pretty constantly leaky for the next 36 hours or so.

One of the two women who were watching their own children turned to me and asked if the boys were mine, and whether they were twins. "Mine are twins, but fraternal. I just love identicals, they're so cute. Are you okay?" she asked, and my answer was "Yeah, I just got some bad news, I promise. I'm just a crier."

Another five minutes of sobbing passed with me texting the people I needed to tell, explaining my stupidly dramatic cryptic tweet which read only, "Woo, I have cancer!" (that I'd intended to be more comical because of the enthusiasm but it didn't really come across in that medium). She asked again, "Are you sure you're okay?" I tried to get out what it was but I was in the middle of a blubber, so I sipped some more tea, and said, clearly, "I'm sorry I sent the boys out here, I swear I'm not the kind of irresponsible person who'd send four year olds alone to a playground. I was just given a diagnosis of skin cancer. It's only stage one and I'll be okay, but I'm scared."

What followed was about ten minutes of preaching at me from this woman and the other mother who'd wandered over, about how we serve a god of healing and how I have to trust in him to heal me. She said, "No matter where you are in your walk, would you allow me to pray over you?" and being alone in small town Kyle, Texas, I felt like it would've been super rude to suddenly be like, "No thanks," especially because she was very sincere and it truly came from a place of love. Besides, even if I don't believe that her god is real or for me, it made her feel better and was a comfort to me for a stranger to be compassionate. It's a trait I really strive for, so when it's shown to me, I can't find it in myself to reject it. So she prayed, we hugged, and they all left, and it was me and the twins. I let them play until I'd taken enough deep breaths to not be quite as blubbery, and we headed back to the house.

I felt really bad that I may have scared the twins, but they've been raised so well that they understand that sometimes people are sad and they know how to be comforting and empathetic. They're such little men, and if our children can be half as incredible and extraordinary as each of those twins, I'll consider us successful parents.

So that's the story of how I learned I have cancer. The farther from hearing her confirm it over the phone, the less terrified I am. In two weeks or so, it should be confirmed that I'm completely free of it. I have frequent head to toe skin checks to look forward to until I die, because apparently I wasn't naked in front of doctors enough. I'm not looking forward to the scar (though the dermatologist has assured me there is a lot we can do to fix that once it's been removed), or the itching that indicates healing.

The things that make me feel good are that I'm being taken care of, and when I ask for distractions my friends have been able to provide endless hours of internet entertainment. Plus, hockey's back from the lockout and the NHL channels have a free preview until Jan 31, so we've been watching a lot of excellent out-of-market games.

So wear physical/mineral sunscreen, and get your moles checked. Eat your oatmeal, and drink your milk. And stay in school. And don't whiz on the electric fence.

Bleu cheese dressing and one of my favorite things on which to put it

I've been perfecting this dressing for months now. I LOVE bleu cheese and its dressing. You'll find all manner of people posting on recipe hack forums trying to find the Chris' & Pitt's BBQ bleu cheese recipe, that's the standard with which I grew up. I feel like my standards are pretty high, and my expectations are rarely met. I like a dressing to be thick but creamy, chunky but not with massive chunks, fresh tasting, and not too heavily seasoned so that I can still add fresh pepper to my salad, or use peppered bacon in the recipe below the dressing.

Since the Greek yogurt craze is in full swing and doesn't look to be going anywhere any time soon, I'm hoping to keep making my dressing this way, so that I always have a kind of dressing I can eat. Lots of dressings contain corn products in some form or another, including distilled white vinegar, corn starch, HFCS, and corn syrup, so it's hard for me to find a reliable brand that meets my standards and doesn't cost a million dollars a bottle. I made this mostly with things I already keep on hand, the buttermilk is the only thing I had to actually go out and buy.

Amazeballs Bleu Cheese Dressing

1/2 c low fat buttermilk
1 c nonfat greek yogurt
3 tbsp regular sour cream
1 5oz pkg bleu cheese
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp dried tarragon
1/2 tsp ground kosher salt
1/4 tsp ground white pepper
fresh ground black pepper - start with 1/2 tsp, add to taste

Make sure the bleu cheese is crumbled small enough for your taste. Put everything, buttermilk first, into a jar, and shake well. Add a little more buttermilk if you like it a little runnier.

Putting buttermilk in first makes the shaking go faster, because you don't have the thick yogurt sticking to the bottom. I also put the salt, pepper, and herbs in the middle of the jar, so they don't get all stuck to the top or bottom.

Notes on the months it took me to get here:

- You could substitute minced garlic, but it gives the dressing a much sharper taste, even with minced roasted garlic, it was just way too sharp to be pleasurable.
- Fresh tarragon would be delicious but I'd probably have used a little less than dried, and our local groceries don't stock it frequently enough.
- PLEASE use full fat sour cream. It's not that bad, and the light gives a weird texture to the finished product.
- This lasts about a week in the fridge; I didn't try freezing it so I've no idea whether it'd thaw well.



I could be boring and put this on a salad, but here's what I plan to put it on tomorrow (Thanksgiving, my second favorite holiday):

Brussels, Bacon, and Shrooms

3 parts brussels sprouts
2 parts baby portabella mushrooms
1 part bacon (I use pepper bacon and use less fresh ground pepper)
garlic cloves to taste
parsley
salt and pepper

Clean the sprouts, they can either be whole or halved for this recipe. Halve or quarter the mushrooms so they're roughly the same size or slightly larger than the sprouts. I like to cut the bacon strips into 1" pieces, but you do whatever your heart desires.

I start the bacon in a pan, just long enough to render a little of the grease, about halfway to edible. While that's going, put the sprouts, garlic cloves, shrooms, parsley and salt and pepper into a lightly oiled baking dish and mix together. I use a 9 x 13 Pyrex rather than the cookie sheet I usually roast veggies on, because the mushrooms tend to give off a lot of liquid.

Put the bacon evenly over top of the sprouts and shrooms, and pour the grease evenly over the whole pan. Keeping the bacon on top allows the grease to drip down into the veg and make them taste awesome.

Roast in a 425° oven roughly 25-30 minutes, it may take up to 45 minutes if you leave the sprouts whole.

Serve hot with slotted spoon to prevent mushroom juice sloshing, spoon bleu cheese dressing over top.

Natural Disasters and the Claims of Christian Fundamentalists

A pact with the devil caused the earthquake in Haiti.

Hurricane Isaac was god's proof he could take out any fire related desert hippie fest, no matter the size.

God targeted Hindus, Muslims, and Buddhists of Asia with his tsunami.

I've been hearing it all my life. Immoral behavior, turning away from god, homosexuality, pornography, Hollywood, the liberals; all of these things incur god's wrath in the form of natural disasters.

In the Bible, there are several ties between morality and natural disasters. In the story most frequently told (not to mention, used as as children's room decor theme) the world had become so wicked that a flood was sent to cover the whole of it. Pharaoh's heart-hardening in Exodus was the cause of plagues, nine of which were some form of natural disaster (the tenth was probably ninjas). There was an earthquake that released the chains of everyone imprisoned with Paul and Silas that may or may not have been accompanied by Paul hearing the voice of an angel telling him to leave.

There are also a few examples of death directly due to immoral behavior. Ananias and Sapphira in the new testament died after lying about the dollar figure of their tithe. The first child of David and Bathsheeba died because of its father's sin.

Those were precise, targeted punishments for sin. If Hurricane Isaac was supposed to punish whatever crazy things that preacher believes happens at Burning Man, why didn't the hurricane show up during and in the region wherein Burning Man took place?

If god's aim has gotten that imprecise, is it laziness? Who wants to worship a lazy god?

Would a perfect being flex their muscles at a bunch of hippies by beating up the poor?

Why do fundamentalists always go back to the lamest reasons for things, instead of taking action to help those affected? What is their fetish for victim blaming all about? Feed the hungry. House the homeless. Care for the widowed and orphaned.

Christianity, I am disappoint.

Tomato Pie made easy

I started with the Kerbey Lane recipe that I found all over the internet, and modified it because I really don't like crust. By don't like, I mean I can't eat store bought ones due to the corn intolerance, and I don't enjoy making them because I'm lazy. I don't keep mayo around the house, so I just left it out. Also, I'm going to start formatting my recipes so they're easy enough for someone who takes cooking directions very literally can make whatever.

Ingredients:
2 lb tomatoes
2 tbsp (to taste) sliced olives (I used a Greek mix, kalamata work)
1/2 c plain greek yogurt
1/2 c feta crumbles
2 tbsp separate feta or gruyere cheese
4 big leaves fresh basil, chopped
1 tsp lime juice
1 tube premade butter flavored biscuits (not jumbo sized)
salt

Give the tomatoes a good rough dice (small enough for bite size, but perfectly diced tomatoes are for pico), lightly salt, and drain tomatoes for 10 minutes. Mix olives into tomatoes and spread evenly over the bottom of a lightly greased 9" glass pie plate.

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Mix basil, yogurt, feta, and lime juice together. Spread yogurt mixture over tomatoes and olives, keeping 1/2" away from the sides. spread feta or gruyere over top. Take the biscuits and place them around the edge, putting the last one for the middle. You could also cut them into quarters and spread them over the whole top if you like them more well done. Bake for 30 minutes or until the biscuits are golden brown.

If you want to make a double recipe, a 9x13 would be a nice deeper dish.

My experience with Reddit so far

I've read reddit for years, but I got sick of just looking at the regular front page and whatever people linked me, and finally signed up for an account so I could collect all my favorite subreddit topics and stop going directly to the links.

Week one, I felt like I was in livejournal land all over again. I loved the anonymity, and I felt like I was returning to a place where I belonged. I was semi-doxxed and chased away from Slashdot, someone replied with links to all of my online presence and the university I was attending on every single comment I posted.

Week two, I was still finding subreddits to add to my subscriptions, the level of specificity was excellent, while not surprising. I commented a little, and posted an actual personal response I thought might actually help someone, which they messaged me after and said it was helpful.

Week three was more of the same. I commented a few times, played grammar police on some heavily down voted posts.

Week four, I finally decided to post my first thing. I've been trying to build clientele, and I was trying to legitimately ask a question. I was trying to downplay the self promotion while also explaining what I do and what I've already done. Right now I'm sitting at three up and five down votes, and I'm really bummed out about it. What did I do wrong? Nothing.

I don't know why I'm disappointed, I shouldn't have felt like I belonged and somehow had found somewhere that would embrace me just... 'cause.

It's just people on the internet, like everywhere else.